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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2011|06:30 pm]
My hearts frozen...It doesn't even beat
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2011 [Jan. 1st, 2011|01:02 pm]
A New year has started this morning, I always get depressed around New Years Eve, bc my mind flip flops from the past to the future, and well the past's pain haunts me, the future's cloudy image scares me. I woke up this morning from 3 really bad dreams, I don't even want to write about them bc I honestly don't want to remember them later. Last night Amy and I did not even speak, I was upset about something she said and well she was upset t me for reacting the way I did.

I duno


I thought we were closer to being together then we really are. When your mind thinks that you are so close to having the one relationship you want, the one feeling that you never want to let go of, the one girl who has taken over your complete heart, It hurts to know that you are not as close as you wished or thought. The only thing I can do is be me, and that includes putting these feelings of pain aside to be the friend I need to be to her.

I just... I love her

I want her to give me the honor of having her hand in marriage, spend the rest of our years making each others dreams come true. That is my dream

sigh...20 days till my Birthday
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2010|05:54 pm]
Today Amy said the 3 words that I always wished she would say to me again <3
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72 days untill my b-day [Nov. 10th, 2010|06:47 pm]
[music |Brittney spears-Toxic]

So I have made up my mind, I am going to go to Oregon, With out Amy....I'm not going to tell her I am going, now I know why post this online right she might read it?.....I don't think so, she doesn't come here i am pretty sure of that, and I need somewhere to vent. I am not going to tell her because well, its best if I don't. I am not even sure if she is going there but to be honest I don't want to know. I have already fucked up her life enough, I don't want to cause any more pain then I already have. I mean don't get me wrong if she asks me where I'm going to school I will not lie and I will tell her, but I just do not see her asking me about school anymore.

My heart just says that I should go there, regardless of Amy...Something is waiting for me out there, and I will find out what that something is.

Today is the first day in a while I haven't spoken to Amy at all...It is 6:45 and still no word from her

Almost time for class...I should just go get ready now..dark blue jeans burgundy express shirt..Yea I look pretty good I must say =P
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Yesterday was November 8'th [Nov. 9th, 2010|02:22 pm]
[music |Bruno Mars- Talking to the moon]

On November 8'th She said to me that she does not believe me when I say "I Love you". Now what do I do?

She also said "I can honestly say I do not trust you"

What kind of friendship exists with out trust?

I contemplated all day yesterday

and I am still



and hurt
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(no subject) [Oct. 27th, 2010|05:29 pm]
I love her...I want to prove myself to her...I want to make her happy...I want to make her world a dream come true....

I just want to be forgiven and loved again...

Am I that horrible of a person?...Am I?

I never felt this way b4...She used to tell me no1 ever made her feel the way I do..I wonder if I still make her feel that way?

Im scared to show my emotions for fear of upsetting her... I need tofix her heart I cant go down in her mind as some1 whos not worthy of her heart... I CANT...So I come here to a place she doesent visit
anymore to vent..

Every second is still cherished
Every smile is still valued
Every laugh is still beautiful
Every tear I've caused is still inexcusable

I always wanted my love to erase her pain...I just need to give it time
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She doesent love me anymore [Sep. 4th, 2010|10:11 am]
or should I say shes not in love with meanymore...bc of what i did...which was stupid...but I still was true and told her what i did bc im not fake and I needed to let her know what I did.....I doubt she reads this anymore she hasent been in here in a long time....My journal my own little place where I can pour my heart out.....My heart doesent beat so swift anymore....she doesent wanna try with me anymore...which means to me @least shes just trying to move on slowly....and its like I duno what its like...actually I do know what its like ive gone threw this b4....I just want her to love me....she wants us to do us meaning i do me and she does her...but what if she meets some1 else and falls in love...and then Im going to have to swallow all my feelings...I cant do that...
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fabolous lyrics [Aug. 5th, 2010|05:50 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood |gym]
[music |Fabolous-Computer Love]

"to make a long story short I couldn't control her ass...she came first, I came last"
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(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2010|12:29 am]
Amy is out clubbin and celebrating her bday....and I'm in my bed alone missing her

I wish I was celebrating with her....or I wish she was in bed with me cuddling

Actually I wish both

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
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Ive been about lyrics [Aug. 1st, 2010|12:39 pm]
[Current Location |Home]
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Fabolous-There he go]

"Only be with winners they should put me as a prize
And you pussy dudes should be put between some thighs
These diamonds here clearer than HD
Them dudes over there squarer then a H3"
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